I was betrayed and raped by my trusted step-uncle who also solved “my” resulting pregnancy problem with abortion.
I’m Mary Lee Summy from Vinton, Iowa. A few years ago I would have rather had my teeth pulled out one at a time than anyone find out my self focused, shameful past. Only by God’s mercy, love, forgiveness, and healing though Jesus Christ am I free of paralyzing fear and able to warn other women and men of abortion’s damage. I’m sorry I chose an abortion.
Abortion was like the worst kind of rape to my soul, crushing inner emotional and spiritual stability. During the horror of my senior year of high school, that statement took ownership of my soul. I was betrayed and raped by my trusted step-uncle who also solved “my” resulting pregnancy problem with abortion. Trapped and fear-driven, I couldn’t go through with suicide; so I accepted his help, took his thirty pieces of silver, and lied to the abortionist, “I am eighteen and want an abortion.”
For over thirty years, no one ever heard my raped nightmares replaying visual images of my aborted, fraternal twin babies – not blobs of tissue. I couldn’t allow friends or even my husband too close, for fear of exposure and rejection. Amber died through the initial abortion, but I didn’t know I continued to carry her fraternal twin sister, Dawn, for three more months. Ill, I lost from 95 pounds to about 75 and thought, I deserve death. Alone then, to my horror and surprise . . . a painful miscarriage occurred. I helplessly watched Dawn struggle and die due to abortion’s physical damage. The doctor did not report it, so I thought no one would ever know my confused guilt and shame.
For over thirty years I successfully hid behind a Christian marriage and a smiling church-lady mask for false comfort, while inside I cowered behind the delusion of false protection, a dark wall built with blocks of fear, hate, grief and low self-esteem – blind to abortion’s holocaust reality. I secretly leaned on society’s suggestion that rape was an acceptable reason for abortion, and yet I didn’t understand my defensive nature or unexpected outbursts of anger such as screaming “NO!” at my doctor when he suggested abortion with my third pregnancy after marriage. I went home and prayed for my baby. His name is Logan; and he is a wonderful Christian man. I didn’t know it then, but old tissue left in my womb from abortion threatened his life and mine.
Rape alone was tough enough and not my fault. Understand that if you are experiencing sexual abuse, it is NOT your fault. Please, seek help. If you know someone in sexual abuse, trust me, they WANT you to help them. Even though oppressed into abortion, it felt wrong in my soul and I did it instead of facing reality. Abortion on top of rape multiplied the trauma of rape. Abortion stalled emotional and spiritual maturity as well as blocking the healing from sex abuse.
I’m no longer dysfunctional, with self-esteem below ground level, but a contributing member of society. I’m no longer a victim but a victor glancing in my rearview mirror merely for reference to help others.
After years of shamed silence, Mary Lee Summy is no longer a victim of rape and abortion. She is a victor moving forward as a productive member of society, a UNI graduate, speaker with Silent No More and Silent No More Operation Outcry of Iowa, and co-founder of Heart Surrender Ministry bringing a testimony of forgiveness and healing,. Mary Lee also speaks on Victim Impact Panels for Iowa Department of Corrections. When a friend asked Mary Lee what drew her into prison ministry, she answered, “The Lord knows it is tough but vital for all of us to understand and face the reality of our past mistakes and our past bruises in order to be able to see and step into the forward path of inner change, healing and freedom.”